Text and illustration: Gijsbert Witkamp
First published: 10 May 2019. Version: 10 May 2019
‘I am compelled to reconsider the position of our county artist these days known as Alias Alias Author,’ confided Mr Sir Orange to his dear friend, the lovely Miss Reporter.
‘What’s up with triple A?’ she inquired.
‘I have received complaints that he does not put enough orange in his art work,’ the celebrity cat replied, ‘and since he is our official Orange County artist the alleged lack of orange in his painting does not go down well with our patriotic taxpayers and supporters.’
‘Ha,’ responded Mis Reporter delighted, ‘we have taxpaying taxpayers?’
‘Indeed we do,’ the Master of Orange confirmed, ‘ though we have many more non-paying taxpayers.’
‘Interesting,’ noted the beautiful Miss said sipping her fine Chardonnay. ‘Tell me, what is a non-paying taxpayer?’
‘A non-paying taxpayer,’ explained Orange County’s Minister of Fisheries and Art, ‘is a registered taxpayer who does not pay tax. He/she fills his/her on-line form in such that there is no tax obligation, commonly by claiming no income.’
‘I see,’ she noted, ‘and you are saying those are in the majority and that majority is not complaining about A.A.A.’s lack of orange in art?’
‘Indeed,’ agreed the Orange Cat.
‘Is it not so,’ the great Miss continued, ‘that we are a democracy and in a democracy majority rule holds sway?’
Mr Sir Orange looked uneasy. ‘Don’t be so populist,’ he countered, ‘you know very well that in a democracy decisions are made by a small in-crowd and not by those who voted the decision makers in.’
‘And those voted in are taxpaying taxpayers,’ the Miss stated, ‘and those who voted them in in majority are non-tax paying taxpayers.’
‘So it is,’ agreed the Orange minister of Fisheries and Art.
‘And do the complainants know why triple A uses his orange sparsely?’ Miss Reporter wanted to know.
‘Ask him,’ replied the Orange Chief, ‘he has just come in.’
And she did once Alias was comfortably seated at the verandah with its great view of the Orange fish pond.
‘Tell me,’ Alias,’ the Miss started out, ‘I hear you are under fire for orange deficiency in your art work. What happened?’
‘It’s them orangists,’ the artist replied, taking in a good shot of his single malt. ‘Ah,’ he continued, ‘that is so much better.’
‘Orangists?’ said Reporter in feigned ignorance, ‘who are they?’
‘Do I hear my name?’ His Excellency chipped in, rerouting his thoughts from the pleasant phantasies the view of the fish pond with its exquisite collection of swimming edibles always triggered off in him.
‘Orangists are the ultranationalists that are rapidly gaining ground in our county,’ Alias explained, ‘they want to step out of our federation and are opposed to free movement of the inhabitants of the federation from one county to another, shouting: “We want out county back.” And, of course, they want to abrogate the New Protocol for the Prevention and Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination in Orange County.’
(Dear reader, the NPPEFDOC, in short, is the Orange county instrument that outlaws any sort of discrimination. See chapters Committee Matters and Mr Sir Orange at State House of The Lives and Times of Mr Sir Orange).
‘Hoho,’ reacted the Minister, who well remembered the trouble he had gone through in securing nation wide acceptance for the bill. ‘That is carrying things to far. Orange is fine but not in extremis.’
‘Indeed, Sir,’ Triple A agreed, ‘and that’s why I cut back on orange.’
‘So it is a protest,’ concluded the beautiful Miss.
‘A protest it is for sure,’ beamed the artist, ‘and there is more. I am going green.’
‘Green?’ repeated His Excellency the Minister Mr Sir Orange not pleased. ‘Green? The opposite of orange?’
‘So appropriate,’ sighed the Miss. ‘Opposites necessarily are part of the same quotation. See green, think orange. Think orange, see green.’
‘Green is the unseen orange,’ stated Alias Author who by this time had recklessly gulped down his third double single malt, ‘and orange is the unseen green.’
‘And we are the unsung heroes,’ added the Miss, who now also had downed a good glass of quality Chardonnay, ‘yet heroes we are. Hurray!’
Mr Sir Orange was not a supporter of orangism. ‘You cannot judge a book by looking at its colour,’ he noted somewhat cryptically, ‘but a painting you do. Tell me, Alias Alias, if I commission you to paint goldfish, which are orange, are you now in protest painting them green, even though you know very well that in the real world green goldfish don’t exist? And if I ask you to paint those lovely green meadows over there, you are going to paint them orange? Even though there is nothing lovely about orange meadows? And how are you going to paint these orangists? Are you going to paint them orange when they don’t think green at all? Or are you painting them green because they think orange in extremis?
The Miss admiringly looked at Mr Sir His Excellency. ‘You are so great in confusing items,’ she chuckled, ‘that’s why they cannot get rid of you.’
‘See orange, think green,’ the painter pondered. ‘See green, think orange. But,’ he elucidated, ‘only if there is a union of opposites that transcends the pettiness of daily reality. If not, all is black.’
‘What about my painted goldfish,’ the Minister persisted on a less elevated plane, ‘and the exhibition next month at the occasion of the annual opening of the Orange County National Council? That exhibition is a celebration so appropriately named Orangenesis. And orange’, he continued ’happens to be our Orange County colour. It symbolizes what we are, where we came from and where we are going. It’s our symbol of unity.’
‘What,’ suggested the clever Miss, ‘if you paint orange that what is orange and hang these orange paintings on a green wall? Would that not do justice to the topicality of orange in the context of its green environment?’
Readers, at this point we must leave our company busy sorting out the union of opposites amidst complementary colours. Let’s hope they manage lest the sky turns black!
First published: 10 May 2019. Version: 10 May 2019
‘I am compelled to reconsider the position of our county artist these days known as Alias Alias Author,’ confided Mr Sir Orange to his dear friend, the lovely Miss Reporter.
‘What’s up with triple A?’ she inquired.
‘I have received complaints that he does not put enough orange in his art work,’ the celebrity cat replied, ‘and since he is our official Orange County artist the alleged lack of orange in his painting does not go down well with our patriotic taxpayers and supporters.’
‘Ha,’ responded Mis Reporter delighted, ‘we have taxpaying taxpayers?’
‘Indeed we do,’ the Master of Orange confirmed, ‘ though we have many more non-paying taxpayers.’
‘Interesting,’ noted the beautiful Miss said sipping her fine Chardonnay. ‘Tell me, what is a non-paying taxpayer?’
‘A non-paying taxpayer,’ explained Orange County’s Minister of Fisheries and Art, ‘is a registered taxpayer who does not pay tax. He/she fills his/her on-line form in such that there is no tax obligation, commonly by claiming no income.’
‘I see,’ she noted, ‘and you are saying those are in the majority and that majority is not complaining about A.A.A.’s lack of orange in art?’
‘Indeed,’ agreed the Orange Cat.
‘Is it not so,’ the great Miss continued, ‘that we are a democracy and in a democracy majority rule holds sway?’
Mr Sir Orange looked uneasy. ‘Don’t be so populist,’ he countered, ‘you know very well that in a democracy decisions are made by a small in-crowd and not by those who voted the decision makers in.’
‘And those voted in are taxpaying taxpayers,’ the Miss stated, ‘and those who voted them in in majority are non-tax paying taxpayers.’
‘So it is,’ agreed the Orange minister of Fisheries and Art.
‘And do the complainants know why triple A uses his orange sparsely?’ Miss Reporter wanted to know.
‘Ask him,’ replied the Orange Chief, ‘he has just come in.’
And she did once Alias was comfortably seated at the verandah with its great view of the Orange fish pond.
‘Tell me,’ Alias,’ the Miss started out, ‘I hear you are under fire for orange deficiency in your art work. What happened?’
‘It’s them orangists,’ the artist replied, taking in a good shot of his single malt. ‘Ah,’ he continued, ‘that is so much better.’
‘Orangists?’ said Reporter in feigned ignorance, ‘who are they?’
‘Do I hear my name?’ His Excellency chipped in, rerouting his thoughts from the pleasant phantasies the view of the fish pond with its exquisite collection of swimming edibles always triggered off in him.
‘Orangists are the ultranationalists that are rapidly gaining ground in our county,’ Alias explained, ‘they want to step out of our federation and are opposed to free movement of the inhabitants of the federation from one county to another, shouting: “We want out county back.” And, of course, they want to abrogate the New Protocol for the Prevention and Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination in Orange County.’
(Dear reader, the NPPEFDOC, in short, is the Orange county instrument that outlaws any sort of discrimination. See chapters Committee Matters and Mr Sir Orange at State House of The Lives and Times of Mr Sir Orange).
‘Hoho,’ reacted the Minister, who well remembered the trouble he had gone through in securing nation wide acceptance for the bill. ‘That is carrying things to far. Orange is fine but not in extremis.’
‘Indeed, Sir,’ Triple A agreed, ‘and that’s why I cut back on orange.’
‘So it is a protest,’ concluded the beautiful Miss.
‘A protest it is for sure,’ beamed the artist, ‘and there is more. I am going green.’
‘Green?’ repeated His Excellency the Minister Mr Sir Orange not pleased. ‘Green? The opposite of orange?’
‘So appropriate,’ sighed the Miss. ‘Opposites necessarily are part of the same quotation. See green, think orange. Think orange, see green.’
‘Green is the unseen orange,’ stated Alias Author who by this time had recklessly gulped down his third double single malt, ‘and orange is the unseen green.’
‘And we are the unsung heroes,’ added the Miss, who now also had downed a good glass of quality Chardonnay, ‘yet heroes we are. Hurray!’
Mr Sir Orange was not a supporter of orangism. ‘You cannot judge a book by looking at its colour,’ he noted somewhat cryptically, ‘but a painting you do. Tell me, Alias Alias, if I commission you to paint goldfish, which are orange, are you now in protest painting them green, even though you know very well that in the real world green goldfish don’t exist? And if I ask you to paint those lovely green meadows over there, you are going to paint them orange? Even though there is nothing lovely about orange meadows? And how are you going to paint these orangists? Are you going to paint them orange when they don’t think green at all? Or are you painting them green because they think orange in extremis?
The Miss admiringly looked at Mr Sir His Excellency. ‘You are so great in confusing items,’ she chuckled, ‘that’s why they cannot get rid of you.’
‘See orange, think green,’ the painter pondered. ‘See green, think orange. But,’ he elucidated, ‘only if there is a union of opposites that transcends the pettiness of daily reality. If not, all is black.’
‘What about my painted goldfish,’ the Minister persisted on a less elevated plane, ‘and the exhibition next month at the occasion of the annual opening of the Orange County National Council? That exhibition is a celebration so appropriately named Orangenesis. And orange’, he continued ’happens to be our Orange County colour. It symbolizes what we are, where we came from and where we are going. It’s our symbol of unity.’
‘What,’ suggested the clever Miss, ‘if you paint orange that what is orange and hang these orange paintings on a green wall? Would that not do justice to the topicality of orange in the context of its green environment?’
Readers, at this point we must leave our company busy sorting out the union of opposites amidst complementary colours. Let’s hope they manage lest the sky turns black!
